When we need s sensible take, we always turn to our correspondent. Jordi Scrubbings is back with another take on the Rays…

I’ve been looking up a lot lately. Apparently, the sky is falling. I hear people are getting ready to fling themselves from skyscrapers, kiss their wives or husbands good-bye, and stock up on canned goods and bottled water.

It’s the end of the world as we know it. Yet I feel fine.

The Rays are in an early season slump. Word on the street is that I must react by “panicking” – whatever that means.

I’m not really sure how to panic for a sports team. After 9/11, I stopped talking to foreigners, cut communications with my neighbors, and even closed myself from my family. They could have all been terrorists. I tuned in regularly to the National Security Color Code Chart to see how safe I was. I watched my friends like a hawk to ensure they weren’t plotting against America. I also stopped eating French fries, French toast, Canadian bacon, and Taco Bell. I took every precaution.

A few years ago, after the stock market collapsed, I again took immediate action. I closed all my accounts, withdrew all my money from the bank, cancelled all my credit cards, and liquidated my assets. “Cash was king” they said, so I moved mine to a shoebox (size 3) underneath my bed. I still don’t trust banks or any other financial institution and shudder when I hear the words “too big to fail”.

But although I am an expert on social panicking, I have never figured out how to panic about a sports team. Don’t get me wrong, I love the Rays just as much as the next cowbell-ringing afro-clad fan, but what can I do? I know I need to do something.

Maybe I will call a sports talk radio station. I’m sure talking about the team with other people who don’t have a stake in the Rays day-to-day operations will help. Perhaps one of the players on the team will turn the dial between their sips of champagne, hear my complaint, and realize they have to swing harder, not strike out as often, and hit the ball where the fielders aren’t. And maybe by hearing my suggestion, they will actually do it. Then, if the pitchers cooperate, maybe the Rays will win a few games.

Maybe I will start a petition to influence the Rays front office. Dan Johnson isn’t doing much this year, so maybe if I get 5,000 signatures I can force Andrew Friedman to trade Johnson, James Shields, and a prospect or two to St. Louis for Albert Pujols. Pujols can hit, right? Maybe if Friedman sees the 5,000 names he will acquiesce to our demands and make a much-needed personnel decision. We see the team struggling, and darn it, we are not happy. Something needs to be done.

Maybe I will stage a protest outside Tropicana Field and insist Joe Maddon stop his lineup tinkering and other “outside of the box” methods. Maybe if we get 1,000 people to hold up signs Joe will hear our message. I’ll buy the markers, make the signs, and even start the chants if that’s what needs to be done. Joe’s methods might have worked last year, but this is 2011. We are not happy. And if Joe can’t do what he needs to do to win games, then “Joe Must Go”.

Maybe I will boycott. I won’t go to any more games until they have a winning record. That will show that underachieving pack of losers. They will look up to the crowd and see my empty seat and a tear will drop from their eye. So of course, they will swing harder, not strike out as often, and hit the ball where the fielders aren’t. All to earn back my love.

The only other idea I have is to maybe sacrifice a live chicken, like Pedro Cerrano in Major League. And if like in Major League, I can’t kill a real chicken because of building codes or PETA or some other law against animal cruelty, a bucket of KFC will suffice. Or if I value my arteries, I’ll just eat a chicken sandwich like my man Wade Boggs.

I’m honestly concerned here. I want to panic. I am a master of the art of panicking. And the Rays early season funk is troubling everyone else so very deeply that I know I should do something.

I want to take action.  I just don’t know what to do.

Maybe I’ll ask a Red Sox fan.

Tags

 
 

16 Comments

  1. Ro says:

    Hahahahahahaha! Just, hahahahahaha! That’s all I got.

  2. Derek says:

    Is that a pic from this year? Are people still wearing their Crawford gear?

  3. NoleCC says:

    LOL… I like the sacrificing a chicken idea via eating some KFC or something. Actually, I’d go with Publix Chicken Tenders instead. Those are always solid.

  4. CC says:

    Buck Foston. At this point if the Rays can somehow find a way to win a couple of games against the Red Sux. All the losses up to this point will be easier to take.

  5. R.J. Cant Play says:

    Well that was a waste as expected. Instead of trying to be entertaining and poking fun at those who are concerned with this season. Why don’t you acknowledge those responsible for this mess and ask for accountability? Will you still be cracking jokes at All Star break? This “process” has run it’s course and it’s time for something new.

    • Sarah says:

      Right, because we’d never want to have a sense of humor about something as serious as baseball, would we? I mean, from the tone of Jordi’s post, it’s as though he thought baseball were nothing but a game!

      • R.J. Cant Play says:

        It most certainly is just a game to most, but it’s enough to merit people dedicating their time to blogging(towing the proverbial company line). And for the most part R.J. and his buddies revere the serious business side of the Rays just as much as anything. So it doesn’t take Donald Trump to say that someone needs to be fired.

        • Sarah says:

          Sure, yell for someone to be fired if you will, but does that mean that no one is allowed to have a sense of humor?

          And how, by the way, do you “tow” a company line? Is that done with a tow truck? Or a toe truck?

          • R.J. Cant Play says:

            Oh Sarah, you got me there! I need to proof read my rants before I discredit my thoughts… you clever university scholars. Or I mean computer dorks who dream of being athletic and popular.

    • St. Aug Ryan says:

      Agree, this is a waste of space.

    • MJ says:

      You seem to be missing the point of the article. My suggestion would be, if you want a piece about “acknowledging those responsible for this mess” so badly, then write it yourself. It doesn’t make sense to criticize a post for not being something that it never remotely intended to be in the first place.

  6. Don says:

    WHat no…. (good) baseball in ST.Petersburg in the summer…I can only go to the beach,golf and the early bird special so often…then I’ll BE begging for Idiot Joe and his group of under achieving athletes….
    Maybe Manny had the right idea..get out while you still can…Merlo Joe is about to blow…..Newman out after 2 innings…Players on drugs..batters throwing bats at pitchers and Maddon throwing out umpires…everything is fine in happyville!

  7. Ro says:

    Wow. I’m so grateful I can laugh. Seriously. You guys sound like that dude that ranted about the article in the St. Pete Times about the guys fishing. Oh no, we’ve got poverty and you’re talking about fishing? Lighten up and enjoy laughing. It really does feel good in times of turmoil.

  8. Wall says:

    People…. you need to lighten up! I couldn’t believe that people were actually upset by this when I read the comments. Don’t you realize that the simple fact that we won the AL East 2 of the past 3 years against payrolls that damn near tripled ours is ridiculous?!

    Sometimes I fear that I’ll never witness something as dramatic as our 2008 season. I think people somehow take for granted what this organization has done for the last few years!

    Have you forgotten that feeling from game 7 of the ALCS when rookie David Price threw that pitch to strike out J.D. Drew and kill the Sox’s rally in the 8th inning? Then overpower them in the 9th?

    Aki fielding the grounder and touching 2nd himself to send the Rays to the World Series?

    I mean I’ve always liked baseball, but that was the day I fell in love with it.

    Even if we never rise up and compete again… which we will… I will never forget that feeling.

Leave a Comment