phpIdny9AWe don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. The Rays suck right now. The Rays are playing like everybody’s scared of losing their job. The starters can’t even work five innings, the closer can’t protect a six-run lead, the all-star catcher can’t hit, the center fielder is not playing like an all-star and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it.

We know the Rays are hard to watch, and we sit watching our TV’s while Dewayne Staats tells us that today the Rays struck out 15 times and committed four errors, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

We know things are bad – worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t watch after the sixth inning. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let us have our LOST and our Daily Show and our Conan O’Brien and we won’t say anything. Just don’t make us watch this shitty baseball team. But no, we have to watch.

And because we watch, all we know is we are mad. WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!

But we are not going to protest. We are not going to riot. We are not going to write our congressman. Heck we are not even going to open the window and yell.

We can live with one ugly loss. Heck we are Rays fans…we can live with a LOT of ugly losses. But if the Rays are going to play like the Devil Rays, well, then we are going to start calling them the Devil Rays.

From now, until the Tampa Bay Rays have a winning record, we will only refer to the team as the “Devil Rays.” The team wants to be “The Rays” and be the beacon of sunlight shining through The Trop’s roof? Then they better damn well stop playing like the bottom-dwelling fish.

And we will pay the fines. For every instance in which we use the team’s old moniker, we will donate $1 to the Tampa Bay Rays Foundation,  until the team has a winning record, or the end of the season, whichever comes first.

But the team better not assume that we will be giddy because the money will go to a good cause. We are talking about our beer money and we don’t give that up without throwing a few punches.

By our count, we are already out $5 and the Devil Rays ($6) are still 4 games under .500. So this might add up.



  1. Dirtbag Fan says:

    I love it.

    I was furious last night, but have decided that as long as they win the next 3 I’ll pretend it never happened.

    I tell you what, Prof, if the Rays lose tonight I’ll join you in no longer refering to them as the Rays and paying the fines to charity, as well as trying to help round up the troops of other Rays’ Bloggers to see if they’ll do the same.

    • Rumpy says:

      Im with Prof and Dirtbag Fan, I will help to donate to the cause until this team starts playing like they care. The next two weeks this team can really turn around the season, but only if they want to. They won over way too many fans last year to be playing this poorly for this long. NOW LETS GO!!

  2. Rayhawk says:

    Dear professor, I told my wife over the winter,”I hope they don’t deal Johny Gomes, I know he doesn’t play much but you cant lose a character like that, who body slammed the Yankee player in spring training. You will lose that certain something in the clubhouse and on the bench.”

    Food for thought.

    A collective prayer for tonight please…..

    Professor, keep the faith…and keep writing.

    • Dirtbag Fan says:

      That may be the farthest stretch I’ve ever read…
      have we really fallen that far?

    • I think there is something to be said for losing a guy like Gomes, and i think the Rays lost a little something when they let Floyd and Hinske go. Obviously they couldnt keep all of them and i am not saying they should have necessarily kept any of them. but losing all three cost the Rays a source of consistent intensity and leadership in the clubhouse.

      from everything i have read, the young players really looked up to and leaned on Hinske and Floyd.

      But i am also hesitant to blame everything on their departure.

      It is far from the only problem, but it might help if somebody stepped into those roles.

  3. Justin says:

    Prof, I get being pissed at the Rays. They aren’t very rewarding to watch right now. They aren’t a very good use of time right now.

    But what is with this machismo? Punching? Come on. Turn off the TV, don’t talk about punching and drinking beer. Who are you? Troy Percival?

    • Steve says:

      don’t talk about punching or drinking beer?

      i could be wrong but i dont think he really intends to punch anybody. and what is wrong with drinking beer?

      • Justin says:

        “When the punches start flying, we WILL get our moneys worth.”

        Explain that? I mean…

        Drinking beer? It’s fine. As long as it doesn’t make you write long posts where you threaten violence, vaguely, towards… something.

  4. Jordi says:

    People should dust off the old Devil Rays ($1) hats and gear and start “Let’s Go Devil Rays ($2)” chants at the Trop. How soon until we start reading the obligatory “Is it ok for fans to boo the home team?” articles?

  5. John S says:

    Chin up, tiger. The Blue Jays will fall back to earth, Youk and Ortiz are hurt and stink (respectively) and Dice K will be hurt all year, the Yankees are a joke and are alienating fans and a good chunk of the Orioles games are over. We’re only 20% through the season. Don’t break things until Father’s Day at least.

    • I think some of the things you bring up are the source of the growing frustration. I could live with 3rd or 4th place if the Sox and Yanks were just playing really well. But they are not which means this division can be had AGAIN. But the Rays can’t even beat teams they should be able to handle. And the home record is very worrisome.

  6. Kera says:

    I agree. It’s like the Tampa Bay Rays of 2009 don’t give a crap about how they play. They don’t have that same drive or energy they had in 2008. Well they have that same drive when they play teams like the Yankees or the Red Sox, that’s when the bats start to come to life. Any other team and it’s almost like they’re bored, like they don’t really want to be playing. I love this team & I’ll support them win or lose, but right now I’m mad @ them and their lack of performances on the field. Start playing like the 2008 team, start earning the respect back that you earned in 2008, start approaching every team you play, the way you play the Red Sox or the Yankees!

  7. Don says:

    Mistakes,mistakes,mistakes….I’m tired of it being EARLY!!!

  8. CHALK says:


    This is highly offensive. And really disappointing. Devil Rays does not equal shitty. Shame on you. You should know better.


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