We don’t have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. The Rays suck right now. The Rays are playing like everybody’s scared of losing their job. The starters can’t even work five innings, the closer can’t protect a six-run lead, the all-star catcher can’t hit, the center fielder is not playing like an all-star and there’s nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there’s no end to it.
We know the Rays are hard to watch, and we sit watching our TV’s while Dewayne Staats tells us that today the Rays struck out 15 times and committed four errors, as if that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
We know things are bad – worse than bad. They’re crazy. It’s like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don’t watch after the sixth inning. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, ‘Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let us have our LOST and our Daily Show and our Conan O’Brien and we won’t say anything. Just don’t make us watch this shitty baseball team. But no, we have to watch.
And because we watch, all we know is we are mad. WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE!
But we are not going to protest. We are not going to riot. We are not going to write our congressman. Heck we are not even going to open the window and yell.
We can live with one ugly loss. Heck we are Rays fans…we can live with a LOT of ugly losses. But if the Rays are going to play like the Devil Rays, well, then we are going to start calling them the Devil Rays.
From now, until the Tampa Bay Rays have a winning record, we will only refer to the team as the “Devil Rays.” The team wants to be “The Rays” and be the beacon of sunlight shining through The Trop’s roof? Then they better damn well stop playing like the bottom-dwelling fish.
And we will pay the fines. For every instance in which we use the team’s old moniker, we will donate $1 to the Tampa Bay Rays Foundation, until the team has a winning record, or the end of the season, whichever comes first.
But the team better not assume that we will be giddy because the money will go to a good cause. We are talking about our beer money and we don’t give that up without throwing a few punches.
By our count, we are already out $5 and the Devil Rays ($6) are still 4 games under .500. So this might add up.